This summer I worked as a volunteer social worker for disaster victims in Southeast Louisiana. And, lemme tell you, if I wasn't already a fan N'awlins before, I surely love it now.
In my volunteer work, I met all different kinds of people, many walks, but one road 'through the waters' when Katrina hit. These were the people who starved in the Superdome, who left the bodies of their loved ones' by the side of the road. These were the ones who told stories of hanging on to the roofs of their houses, cycling their babies through their laps as the water came ever-upward, because they had to hold on to the roof with one hand, and the child with the other, and thus couldn't hold on to all their children at once. These were the people of the 9th Ward, of St Bernard parish, whose lives were literally obliterated. These were the people who Survived, even in the midst of so much chaos and death. As I said, I met many people, both good and bad. But the overwhelming impression I had from them was Dignity. These people had lost everything, and yet in their pain-etched faces I could see that they were trying to go on, one step at a time.
So, when I heard the beneift concert by U2 and Greenday on the radio today, it brought back all my memories of these people's suffering, and all of my hopes for their continued hoping. U2 and Greenday opened the first Saints game back in the Superdome, and they adapted some of their own songs to the situation, and it was beautiful. (Specifically, if you go here you can buy the mp3 of the performance, proceeds of which to go buy musical equipment for New Olreans schools.) Most beautiful of all was the song, Beautiful Day, adapted particularly to the floods of New Olreans. It was wonderful.
So, New Olreans, and all of Louisiana affected by Katrina, I hope you continue to heal and continue to grow in hope. And I hope that, for you, today was indeed a Beautiful Day.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
Seventeen
Tonight, I had to drive me (non-crazy!) roommate to pick up her car at the shop, and on the way back I was alone, just me and the music and the breeze.
I have a little confession to make: I just Love the song "Stacy's Mom." I know, I know, how terribly juvenile. But, as I listened to that song, and drove, and felt the breeze, I realized that this breif moment of blissful freedom is something that is so often missing from my life.
"Stacy's mom has got it goin' on." - Ummm, who doesn't remember being in high school and finding some unavailable adult unspeakably attractive. There's something so freeing in the acknowledgment of this fact, espescially as the wind whips through the opened window and I sing into my water bottle - turned - microphonen.
"She's all I want, and I've waited for So Long." The perpetual plea of adolescence, and yet, in so many ways, that's still the way I feel. Do you know how long I"ve waited for independence, for sex, for doing things My Way, for not feeling so incredibly bound to my family? Do you know how long - a long frickin' time. And yet, as I do crazy-car-dance moves that I would never, EVER do anywhere else, it feels like somehow, some way, I might get what I want - even if I have waited.
"And I know that you think it's just a fantasy - but since your dad walked out, your mom could use a guy like me." Mmmm, yes, the fantasy. I have so many of them, and they all feel so far away, so very far from any truth that could ever be. And also, there's the responsibility I feel, a responsibility that I think a lot of adolescents feel for ways in which parent's have failed them. I point my finger and sing so loud, almost to the point of yelling.
"I know it might be wrong, but I'm in love with Stacy's mom." I think this is the part I love most. I've spent so much of my life taking on that responsibiltiy that my parents didn't take - I was responsible for my infant brother, responsible for making perfect grades, responsible for my mother's emotions. And yet, damn it!, there are things I want that have nothing to do with these responsibilities that are not really mine and as I sing this line, they seem to melt away, seem to fly off into the music, into the breeze, into the cool, smoggy, California air. They are gone, and I sing with exhiliration, at the top of my lungs, just for a moment realizing that this is probably the way I was Supposed to feel at 17.
And then the moment ends, and I am brought back to reality by the wave of another driver. - Apparently he liked my dance moves. I freeze in embarassment for a moment, but then think, darn it, I want to dance!
And so I do.
I have a little confession to make: I just Love the song "Stacy's Mom." I know, I know, how terribly juvenile. But, as I listened to that song, and drove, and felt the breeze, I realized that this breif moment of blissful freedom is something that is so often missing from my life.
"Stacy's mom has got it goin' on." - Ummm, who doesn't remember being in high school and finding some unavailable adult unspeakably attractive. There's something so freeing in the acknowledgment of this fact, espescially as the wind whips through the opened window and I sing into my water bottle - turned - microphonen.
"She's all I want, and I've waited for So Long." The perpetual plea of adolescence, and yet, in so many ways, that's still the way I feel. Do you know how long I"ve waited for independence, for sex, for doing things My Way, for not feeling so incredibly bound to my family? Do you know how long - a long frickin' time. And yet, as I do crazy-car-dance moves that I would never, EVER do anywhere else, it feels like somehow, some way, I might get what I want - even if I have waited.
"And I know that you think it's just a fantasy - but since your dad walked out, your mom could use a guy like me." Mmmm, yes, the fantasy. I have so many of them, and they all feel so far away, so very far from any truth that could ever be. And also, there's the responsibility I feel, a responsibility that I think a lot of adolescents feel for ways in which parent's have failed them. I point my finger and sing so loud, almost to the point of yelling.
"I know it might be wrong, but I'm in love with Stacy's mom." I think this is the part I love most. I've spent so much of my life taking on that responsibiltiy that my parents didn't take - I was responsible for my infant brother, responsible for making perfect grades, responsible for my mother's emotions. And yet, damn it!, there are things I want that have nothing to do with these responsibilities that are not really mine and as I sing this line, they seem to melt away, seem to fly off into the music, into the breeze, into the cool, smoggy, California air. They are gone, and I sing with exhiliration, at the top of my lungs, just for a moment realizing that this is probably the way I was Supposed to feel at 17.
And then the moment ends, and I am brought back to reality by the wave of another driver. - Apparently he liked my dance moves. I freeze in embarassment for a moment, but then think, darn it, I want to dance!
And so I do.
Monday, September 04, 2006
A Small Religious Ranting
Today's religious angst is brought to you by Random New Clergyman at church yesterday, whom I'd never seen preach and didn't even know who he was. But he was definitely preachin' it yesterday morning. Good grief! Among other things, the sermon claimed that sending your kids to public school is basically morally wrong, and that homosexuality is inherently "compulsive" and "addictive." AHEM. While I do not think that homosexuality is God's plan for anyone and I do believe that homosexual behavior is morally reprehensible, homosexual relationships are no more "compulsive" or "addictive" than any other sexual relationship. In other words, yes, some homosexual relationships are undoubtedly "complusive and addictive," but so are many heterosexual relationships, while others are not. (What brings further irony to this is that the sermon was about the importance of Truth-with-a-capitol-T. - How about we get our facts straight before preaching, hmmm?)
I guess what pisses me off the most, though, is that the God he protrayed is so similar to the picture of God my mother gave me: hard, angry, arrogant, and completely unconcerned with my feelings. Now hold on. I'm supposed to want to have a relationship with a God like that?!? - Part of me is very angry that people have fed me this image of God for so long, and that I've bought it hook, line, and sinker. And yet, there's this other part of me that whispers, "But what if they'r right? What if God really is like that?" Because somehow to just seems too good to be true, and too far outside my experience to be believed that God actually is loving and actually does care about my feeligns. It seems too risky to hope because, well, "What if He's not?" And, like so many other things, it seems that if I dare to hope, then I must be disapointed.
I guess what pisses me off the most, though, is that the God he protrayed is so similar to the picture of God my mother gave me: hard, angry, arrogant, and completely unconcerned with my feelings. Now hold on. I'm supposed to want to have a relationship with a God like that?!? - Part of me is very angry that people have fed me this image of God for so long, and that I've bought it hook, line, and sinker. And yet, there's this other part of me that whispers, "But what if they'r right? What if God really is like that?" Because somehow to just seems too good to be true, and too far outside my experience to be believed that God actually is loving and actually does care about my feeligns. It seems too risky to hope because, well, "What if He's not?" And, like so many other things, it seems that if I dare to hope, then I must be disapointed.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Yes, I'm still alive! (And other exciting news)
Hello, dear readers (all three of you), yes, I am back. For real. I hope to go back to blogging w/ some regularity, and maybe even blog more frequently (wouldn't that be amazing). Meanwhile, lemme give you the quick overview: last spring, the crazy roommates messed w/ the internet stuff, and I was too lazy (i.e. to scared of conflict) to put up a fight, so I didn't have internet at school. Then, I went on an extensive roadtrip w/ Best Roommate Ever (BRE, her new name, since I have so many roommates at this point) and we were in a wedding, etc. I ended up in Louisiana, where I lived w/ BRE for the summer and her fiancee' -sp?- came and visited us. Intermittently I traveled to various places, including back home to Texas, up to Boston, all culminating in the Family Vacation from Hell up to Maine (which, btw, is a beautiful place - it's not the state's fault that my family is Awful.)
Ok, so, umm, since it's been like four months since I've posted (woohoo), I obviously can't fill you in on every teeny, disgusting detail between then and now. So, here's a list of 11 New/Sort of New things about me:
1. I now live in a new house with fabuloso, non-crazy roommates. Yay!!
2. I now have my own bathroom. (The luxury of this is indescribable.)
3. Oh yes, I'm back here in SoCal for my second (of five!) years of psych grad school.
3. I got in a car wreck this summer and had to have my radiator and other Important Components of my car replaced. (Oh God.)
4. I got back together and then broke up with the Boy (Oh God, oh God, oh God.)
5. I put together, refinished, and painted my new nightstand/file cabinet - can I tell you how proud of myself I am?!?!
6. Honey, the miracle-dog, is still alive and smilin', despite kidney cancer, benign (but humongous) tumors in her leg, colitis, and gosh only knows what eles.
7. I want a doggy so bad I can Taste it (and I'm trying desperately to NOT LOOK AT THIS SITE.)
8. I now attend yoga class (don't tell my mother, she'll send me straight to the Deliverance Ministers to have those Eastern religion demons cast out). I'm now learning to "Lift from the chest!" and "Extend your spine!"
9. I worked as a volunteer caseworker for disaster victims in Louisiana this summer and have now become a self-appointed Katrina Awareness Promoter. (Can I tell you how much it pisses me off that the media spends so little time on Katrina? Or the way people dismiss Katrina victims as stupid and 'deserving' of their plight because they're still not on their feet a year after the storm. - Ummnm, excuse me, have you seen New Orleans??? Have you actually talked to these people??? Because, lemme tell you, it's awful, and it's Not just because people are stupid or bad.)
(Whew, ok, tirade over.)
10. I have actually seen a dog Surfing! Yes, surfing! This was the highlight of my week. I was going for a walk on the beach, I glanced up, and there was a dog, riding a surf board, just as non-challant as you please! It was fabulous, and the funniest thing Ever. The best part is how the dog just stood there, as calm as anything, while all the people trying to surf were struggling and making faces and genearlly looking like they were about to die.
11. I now have a name plate, a mailbox, and a voice mail at the X(name of univiersity) Counseling Center. - People, I am officially a therapist. (Are you scared, or what??)
It's good to be back!
Ok, so, umm, since it's been like four months since I've posted (woohoo), I obviously can't fill you in on every teeny, disgusting detail between then and now. So, here's a list of 11 New/Sort of New things about me:
1. I now live in a new house with fabuloso, non-crazy roommates. Yay!!
2. I now have my own bathroom. (The luxury of this is indescribable.)
3. Oh yes, I'm back here in SoCal for my second (of five!) years of psych grad school.
3. I got in a car wreck this summer and had to have my radiator and other Important Components of my car replaced. (Oh God.)
4. I got back together and then broke up with the Boy (Oh God, oh God, oh God.)
5. I put together, refinished, and painted my new nightstand/file cabinet - can I tell you how proud of myself I am?!?!
6. Honey, the miracle-dog, is still alive and smilin', despite kidney cancer, benign (but humongous) tumors in her leg, colitis, and gosh only knows what eles.
7. I want a doggy so bad I can Taste it (and I'm trying desperately to NOT LOOK AT THIS SITE.)
8. I now attend yoga class (don't tell my mother, she'll send me straight to the Deliverance Ministers to have those Eastern religion demons cast out). I'm now learning to "Lift from the chest!" and "Extend your spine!"
9. I worked as a volunteer caseworker for disaster victims in Louisiana this summer and have now become a self-appointed Katrina Awareness Promoter. (Can I tell you how much it pisses me off that the media spends so little time on Katrina? Or the way people dismiss Katrina victims as stupid and 'deserving' of their plight because they're still not on their feet a year after the storm. - Ummnm, excuse me, have you seen New Orleans??? Have you actually talked to these people??? Because, lemme tell you, it's awful, and it's Not just because people are stupid or bad.)
(Whew, ok, tirade over.)
10. I have actually seen a dog Surfing! Yes, surfing! This was the highlight of my week. I was going for a walk on the beach, I glanced up, and there was a dog, riding a surf board, just as non-challant as you please! It was fabulous, and the funniest thing Ever. The best part is how the dog just stood there, as calm as anything, while all the people trying to surf were struggling and making faces and genearlly looking like they were about to die.
11. I now have a name plate, a mailbox, and a voice mail at the X(name of univiersity) Counseling Center. - People, I am officially a therapist. (Are you scared, or what??)
It's good to be back!
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