Homicidal Ideations

I'm gonna kill 'em . . . I Swear, I'm gonna Kill my roommates. (Ok, not really. But still.)
It all began at our 'Sunday Meeting' when New Roommate informed us with her tone of voice that we were all five years old and mentally retarded and moreover not Christian enough for her. She explained to us that because we're women, God created us to be more 'orderly' than 'guys,' as it says in Proverbs 31, and so we need to become more 'godly women' and clean up after ourselves better. Personally, I'd love to read her Bible and find this verse about how you're a manly, butch sinner if you don't clean your dishes immediately after use .... But I digress. The point is that now we have Two Control Freaks in the house, with me and Sane Roommate trying our best to not be mercilessly tossed about by their stormy winds of frustrated manipulation. (I'm not bitter At All.)
But it gets better.
Just now I got to listen through a pornographic panegyric by Scary Roommate on the newest member of her Lifegroup (Bible Study thingy) who happens to be male. Now, here's why I'm against any kind of 'singles' groups at church: she spent what seemed like ForEver describing to me the way it felt when he touched her (on the shoulder), the way she could see his thigh muscles through his jeans (yes, his Thigh Muscles, people. Soooo Sexy, lemme tell ya), and how when they were holding hands to 'pray,' she simply stood there and repeated to herself over and over again, "Think about how this feels...Feel it!"
Ahem. She met this guy today and she's already talking like their having sex. Fabulous.
Too bad I dont' know anyone in the Mafia ...