It's funny because I go about my life, thinking I'm, well, somewhat ok, thinking that at least things will Be ok, someday. And then, something happens, and I am reminded all over again that the wound is still fresh, that the blood has scarcely dried. The reminder came this time out of the blue, completely unexpected, like a smog-free day in Southern California. Quick and heavy, straight for the gut, knocking me nearly breathless. I begin to ache again, like before, only now I have both an ache and a smarting, as though I have been slapped.
The blow is not something new. It is only a new manifestation of an old pain, a pain I should probably be embracing, but instead am running from as much as possible. And, worst of all, I really have no right to feel this pain. But, now that I feel it, everything is different. For a moment my world is changed, and every sight is different, from my car to my bed to the books beside it. Everything is now full of fresh pain, a fresh reminder.
It's times like these where I would love to escape, love to run far away from my life. Somewhere where, yes, there may be pain, but it is not mine.