A Little Down (But trying not to be)

So, after all the fuss I always make about going home, and how I'm scared,etc., the irony is that now, of course, I don't want to leave. I'm kinda sad about leaving, and not really looking forward to SoCal either. Blech.
When I leave tomorrow, we [the family] will all be sad. I Can't Stand Them, but we will all be sad, my dog espescially. She'll look at me with her big, brown eyes, and then look mournfully at my suitcases, and then gaze back sadly at me again. Often times when I leave, she tries to climb up in the trunk of the car, or into my seat, even tho she hates car rides with every fiber of her being. My doggy is sick again, and, so I feel extra sad leaving her. The vet thinks we may have to put her down, our sweet little miracle-dog who beat cancer already. Hasn't she already had her share of suffering? Hasn't she, God??? And now this, a benign tumor that's all through her back leg, and cutting off her circulation, so that it must be removed, but the vet doesn't see how, even if they amputated her leg. I'm pretty sad about it. She's my prescious girl, you know.
Then, you know, there's the usual self-centered complaints: I'm wretchedly, disgustingly fat, etc. I could go on and on, but I think you've heard enough of that already.
Admittedly, it doesn't help that Roommate was going to visit me in SoCal starting tomorrow afternoon; it would soften the blow of going back. However, and it's totally not her fault, she can't come till Tuesday night, and I'm inordinatedly bummed about it. It's not long to wait! And I'm spending the whole summer with her! But I miss her, and as it stands now, I have to face 24 hours of SoCal by myself.
Finally, it's been hard without Boyfriend during the holidays. I miss him terribly. I miss his laugh, his smile that seems just for me, to share a private joke. I miss the way he helps me to see good in a situation, and to laugh at myself. I could use a joke right about now. I miss shopping for him at Christmas, and opening the huge package full of Christmas gifts he sent me every year. I just miss him. A Lot. And I want to see him soooooooo much . . . . And, altho I hope to see him this summer, well, that's a long way away.
So I'll just sit here now, and wish I could cry, and hope I fall asleep on the plane tommorrow.